let's hit the road let's hit the rails we'll leave this city behind to find the world and loose ourselves in the moment in a boxcar to who the f knows where it'll be cold there'll be sleet snow and rain we'll be parched famished sunburned and insane it'll be dangerous we could die or we might find something to live for in these white bread lives. let's hop a train tomorrow night drop out and quit your job cause you just might wake up in twenty from now wishing that you hadn't gone to work or school or just stayed home and caught a hotshot on the fly out of Portland Oregon over the blue mountains across the Idaho plains dancing to the rhythm of the rolling freight singing to the wind about this life that will never again taste resignation. it's a long f road back home . I've never felt so helpless or invincible at once, that my friends is the true taste of freedom, it can't be granted by kings or gods. right now there's so much to live for. the past can't touch us and the future is dead. I'll bury it with my apprehensions and absolve myself in this: full speed ahead, straight on to disaster!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

"I am standing over the ocean fifty fathoms deep, with nothing to stand on, and yet I believe that I will stand."

I heard this quote once in an Intro to Existentialism class I took my first semester at the University of Montana, I believe it's Kierkegaard or Nietzsche.

I think of it quite often actually, when I feel like everything I'm doing is speeding by and leaving me spinning in place- a dizzy frazzled mess, to the point where I literally jumble my words when speaking to people. I get home to my bare bones apartment, sit down alone, and wonder what I'm doing in this place where I once dreamed but lost, I wonder what I am working so hard for every day.

Well, I think I'm on to an answer. I've always loved love songs about love and poverty. e.g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WNmmF9MCQc and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W05cPXpUHGI

I have come to the conclusion that I must thrive off of self-induced stress. Stress is my go-to steroid in essence, my coffee in the morning, my drug of choice, almost like my cocaine. For example, why go to work without the deeply rooted fear of homelessness- a thought that runs through my head many mornings? And since I know that this stress is mostly self-induced: taking four different work shifts in one 12 hr. day...7 days a week, etc. I am lead to the conclusion that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAaFOJuu9D0

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